What is all of this for?
Tonight I sat and listened to some guy who claimed to be a spiritual anarchist. He is basically an agnostic person with a fascination with Eastern religion. He told me that being agnostic was awesome because it gives you a chance to experience all of life. I think he's full of shit.
As the only reader of this blog knows, my aunt and two cousins died on Sunday in a fire. Why did the little ones have to die? Why did Joyce have to die like that? Is it a part of some huge master plan or is it all shitty random events? Is there a point to my existence?
I just feel like giving up. I want to say fuck it to school, rob s0mething, and then do what I want until I have to kill myself because I'll be sent to prison if I don't. I then decide I should just join the peace corps and make a difference. I then decide to just keep on doing what I'm doing and wiggle by in college until I get a degree. Does it really matter what I do? No. It doesn't.
Do you know why? It's because I am going to die and a handful of people will remember me for a short time until they die and then I will never be mentioned again. No matter what I do, I am just going to fucking keel over and cease to exist. Why work my ass off so that I just have to work my ass off later?
I am rambling now, I am just tired of it. This is the fourth funeral I've been to since January. I am going crazy. Fuck school, fuck love, fuck work, fuck family, fuck life.
Fuck everything.
Erik Frey
A closer look at me.
- -Erik-
- I am a college kid who is confused about a lot of things. I am happy most of the time but things piss me off. I am just tired of all the shit 'ya know?
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
Friday, February 22, 2008
Thursday, February 21, 2008
Monday, February 18, 2008
Bye bye Nicole
So I finally talked to Nicole. Here's what we said....
(E=Erik N=Nicole)
IM IM with sewcialbutterfli2/18/08 12:33 PM
N:hi
E:hi
N:how are you?
E:fine.
How are you
N:I am well
just in class
havent talked to you in awhile, how have you been?
E:fine
nothing worth mentioning I suppose
N:alrighty
well
you in your ethics class?
E:yeah
I think it would be best if we stopped dating/talking
I don't want to be a dick
N:ok
E:sorry;
but it had to be said
You have shit going on in your life
and I do too
Things have come to light and I don't think it's worth it
N:what has come to light?
E:I just started thinking about shit
N:i see
E:I liked you and you seemed to like me
However, I have been under alot of stress from our whatever you want to call it and I really don't see an end in sight
The whole Jim situation, I know you haven't really done anything since that whole deal but that was one week
Then I go on vacation, and when I come back, I ask you to go to valentines day with me....You said you were busy with a friend thing, and I was dissappointed but not pissed or anything
I then find out that Drew tried to kiss you like less than a month ago?
And on valentines day. I hate the day anyway because it's a fucking corporate single awareness day
but that made it worse
I just feel like you need to be surrounded by people who like you more than a friendship thing, I don't know why but you do. And I don't want to compete with that
You haven't called me at all since we started the whole dating thing
I just feel like I'm putting in some work and you weren't really even trying
And you kinda treated me like you don't care.
So that made me thing
think*
if she doesn't care, why should I?
Maybe she's right. maybe I deserve to "settle down with someone nice" and someone who acts like they care.
I really don't want to sound like a jerk, but I just want to convey what I am thinking
N:it was not that i did not care.
and i did call you
E:You could have fooled me Nichole
N:its nicole
E:okay
sorry for mistyping your name, I know how it's spelled
That's not the point though
it's an effort thing
I don't know
it's just interesting to me
because I don't really know what to think about you
N:Well
E:So many mixed signals
and I am tired of all the charade and stress that is coming from trying to date you
N:I enjoyed your company and wanted to take things slowly
i didnt know it was causing you stress
and I am sorry it did
and then you said you were going to call me a few times and didnt
E:I think we were taking things slowly, that I didn't have a problem with it
N:and you said we were going to hang out saturday
E:I know...but as I said before, things came to light
and frankly, I didn't want to see you
N:no i understand
E:I didn't have a problem with taking things slowly
I didn't
N:sorry i disappointed you Erik
E:and I think I was pretty clear about it
I was not cool with you surrounding yourself with people you know likes you romantically because that's the exact same thing as the Jim thing
N:and the me not calling is a dumb thing with how my mom brought me up and I am sorry about that as well
well
it isnt like that Erik
i try to
E:I also looked on your facebook and read a wall to wall you had with drew
N:drew is the closest guy i have to not liking me
E:I don't want to sound like a jellous jerk
N:he did tht on purpose
E:but That's what you call flirting
N:to stop joe
from creeping me out
honestly
i try to have friends that dont like me
but almost all of my guy friends do
and my gfs are all in serious relationships so dont have uch time
E:and that's fine
you can enjoy that. I just don't want to deal with the flirting with other guys, the almost rape situations, and the all around attention thing that I feel like you are surrounding yourself with
I"m glad you have friends
I just don't want to be around for when other stuff happens
N:that jim thing wont happen again
it was dumb
and i try to avoid a lot of that attention
E:Wait
T.O for a min
N:ok
E:You try and avoid that kind of attention?
and you take some guy out on a friend date on what day? Valentines day! That's right, and was that guy someone who kissed you earlier this year? I think so
so don't try and tell me that shit
N:I told him not to Erik
E:no
N:like i told drew i jsut wanted to be friends
E:I don't care if you did
N:i didnt want to ruin our friendship
well im saying i try to avoid that
E:but You took him on a date on Vday
N:and I am single i didnt want to say home alone for valentines day
he took me out
E:and that is attracting that kind of attention
N:because he was alone too
its not like we kissed
or anything
we hang out all the time
we just didnt wanna be alone
E:you were dating someone
you weren't alone, yes we were not in a relationship, but we were dating
and I came home on Monday
Sunday*
I don't know nicole
N:I guess I viewed things differntly
we had gone on a few dates
E:I know
N:I didnt realize that we were exclusive or anything
E:well, that was never said
N:and I didnt go out on dates with other guys
E:And you are right, technically we weren't
N:you never even kissed me
E:I guess I just assumed
I know
I am a pussy
N:and i didnt go out with any other guys
I was going to a few times
besides my guy friends
E:I just don't want to be a part of that. It's a personal choice
N:alright
i understand
E:And I hope you can appreciate that
N:I just hope that you do not think that i am a bad person
of course I can Erik
E:I just think that you don't think about some things
N:I have no hard feelings towards you but I want you to know that i
E:and we shouldn't be together
N:I agree with you on that
and I am sorry for any stress I might have caused you
E:don't be
N:I am
I feel bad about this situation
E:don't be sorry for what you did, just use it to treat future men in a different way
N:how do you suggest doing that
E:I don't get the whole exclusive thing
N:exclusive thing?
E:I think that if I would have dated another person while we were dating, and you found out, you prolly would not be extremely happy
I don't know though
maybe you'd be cool with it
N:I guess i thought that dating
was you go on a few dates with someone
if you like them
then you take it up a level
E:that is true
N:but I don't knwo
E:I am a pussy and I need to step up to the plate
N:you were never very clear about what we were
E:fuckin
N:I know
and i didnt go on dates with other guys besides a friend date with drew
and yeah he made it sound flirty
he does that a lot
and I know
i even sent him a text about it
and was like wow thats flirty sounding drew lol
I don't know
I am sorry though
E:I just want to wash my hands of it. I understand you never really did anything. I just think that the whole v-day thing is a duh thing, and after I found out that He tried to kiss you, Jim just came into my head
E:Its fine
N:how did you find out he tried to kiss me?
E:You told me right when we first started talking, I just didn't put 2 and 2 together. Then Andy and Stephanie told me. Then I went to facebook and saw the whole wall to wall thing calling you baby and you and him talking about a wedding and shit
N:ahhh
E:I just think that that was kinda poo
N:yeah thats why jake hated him too
E:so I was like whatever, enjoy Drew
N:like he is very flirty like that
E:okay
N:I am not dating drew though and I dont want to and if i knew it would have bothered you, i wouldnt have said that
but i understand and you dont have to explain things to me!
E:it really wouldn't. It's just that he tried to kiss you, you said "no you!" and then a few weeks later, you guys are flirting
N:well yeah because we always have
our whole friendship
has been a jokingly flirty thing
like
he jokes about my allowence as his wife and stupid stuff
E:alright
Well, I'm done talking about this
I got you something for V-day before all this shit happened, so I'll get it to you. I have no use for it. I hope you enjoy your life and if our paths meet in the future, cool beans. Thanks for getting my feet wet again after 2 years. The glove just doesn't fit with us. Have a nice day.
N:you too erik! You are a great guy and dont settle for anything less
The end. I really tried to be nice.
Fuck.
(E=Erik N=Nicole)
IM IM with sewcialbutterfli2/18/08 12:33 PM
N:hi
E:hi
N:how are you?
E:fine.
How are you
N:I am well
just in class
havent talked to you in awhile, how have you been?
E:fine
nothing worth mentioning I suppose
N:alrighty
well
you in your ethics class?
E:yeah
I think it would be best if we stopped dating/talking
I don't want to be a dick
N:ok
E:sorry;
but it had to be said
You have shit going on in your life
and I do too
Things have come to light and I don't think it's worth it
N:what has come to light?
E:I just started thinking about shit
N:i see
E:I liked you and you seemed to like me
However, I have been under alot of stress from our whatever you want to call it and I really don't see an end in sight
The whole Jim situation, I know you haven't really done anything since that whole deal but that was one week
Then I go on vacation, and when I come back, I ask you to go to valentines day with me....You said you were busy with a friend thing, and I was dissappointed but not pissed or anything
I then find out that Drew tried to kiss you like less than a month ago?
And on valentines day. I hate the day anyway because it's a fucking corporate single awareness day
but that made it worse
I just feel like you need to be surrounded by people who like you more than a friendship thing, I don't know why but you do. And I don't want to compete with that
You haven't called me at all since we started the whole dating thing
I just feel like I'm putting in some work and you weren't really even trying
And you kinda treated me like you don't care.
So that made me thing
think*
if she doesn't care, why should I?
Maybe she's right. maybe I deserve to "settle down with someone nice" and someone who acts like they care.
I really don't want to sound like a jerk, but I just want to convey what I am thinking
N:it was not that i did not care.
and i did call you
E:You could have fooled me Nichole
N:its nicole
E:okay
sorry for mistyping your name, I know how it's spelled
That's not the point though
it's an effort thing
I don't know
it's just interesting to me
because I don't really know what to think about you
N:Well
E:So many mixed signals
and I am tired of all the charade and stress that is coming from trying to date you
N:I enjoyed your company and wanted to take things slowly
i didnt know it was causing you stress
and I am sorry it did
and then you said you were going to call me a few times and didnt
E:I think we were taking things slowly, that I didn't have a problem with it
N:and you said we were going to hang out saturday
E:I know...but as I said before, things came to light
and frankly, I didn't want to see you
N:no i understand
E:I didn't have a problem with taking things slowly
I didn't
N:sorry i disappointed you Erik
E:and I think I was pretty clear about it
I was not cool with you surrounding yourself with people you know likes you romantically because that's the exact same thing as the Jim thing
N:and the me not calling is a dumb thing with how my mom brought me up and I am sorry about that as well
well
it isnt like that Erik
i try to
E:I also looked on your facebook and read a wall to wall you had with drew
N:drew is the closest guy i have to not liking me
E:I don't want to sound like a jellous jerk
N:he did tht on purpose
E:but That's what you call flirting
N:to stop joe
from creeping me out
honestly
i try to have friends that dont like me
but almost all of my guy friends do
and my gfs are all in serious relationships so dont have uch time
E:and that's fine
you can enjoy that. I just don't want to deal with the flirting with other guys, the almost rape situations, and the all around attention thing that I feel like you are surrounding yourself with
I"m glad you have friends
I just don't want to be around for when other stuff happens
N:that jim thing wont happen again
it was dumb
and i try to avoid a lot of that attention
E:Wait
T.O for a min
N:ok
E:You try and avoid that kind of attention?
and you take some guy out on a friend date on what day? Valentines day! That's right, and was that guy someone who kissed you earlier this year? I think so
so don't try and tell me that shit
N:I told him not to Erik
E:no
N:like i told drew i jsut wanted to be friends
E:I don't care if you did
N:i didnt want to ruin our friendship
well im saying i try to avoid that
E:but You took him on a date on Vday
N:and I am single i didnt want to say home alone for valentines day
he took me out
E:and that is attracting that kind of attention
N:because he was alone too
its not like we kissed
or anything
we hang out all the time
we just didnt wanna be alone
E:you were dating someone
you weren't alone, yes we were not in a relationship, but we were dating
and I came home on Monday
Sunday*
I don't know nicole
N:I guess I viewed things differntly
we had gone on a few dates
E:I know
N:I didnt realize that we were exclusive or anything
E:well, that was never said
N:and I didnt go out on dates with other guys
E:And you are right, technically we weren't
N:you never even kissed me
E:I guess I just assumed
I know
I am a pussy
N:and i didnt go out with any other guys
I was going to a few times
besides my guy friends
E:I just don't want to be a part of that. It's a personal choice
N:alright
i understand
E:And I hope you can appreciate that
N:I just hope that you do not think that i am a bad person
of course I can Erik
E:I just think that you don't think about some things
N:I have no hard feelings towards you but I want you to know that i
E:and we shouldn't be together
N:I agree with you on that
and I am sorry for any stress I might have caused you
E:don't be
N:I am
I feel bad about this situation
E:don't be sorry for what you did, just use it to treat future men in a different way
N:how do you suggest doing that
E:I don't get the whole exclusive thing
N:exclusive thing?
E:I think that if I would have dated another person while we were dating, and you found out, you prolly would not be extremely happy
I don't know though
maybe you'd be cool with it
N:I guess i thought that dating
was you go on a few dates with someone
if you like them
then you take it up a level
E:that is true
N:but I don't knwo
E:I am a pussy and I need to step up to the plate
N:you were never very clear about what we were
E:fuckin
N:I know
and i didnt go on dates with other guys besides a friend date with drew
and yeah he made it sound flirty
he does that a lot
and I know
i even sent him a text about it
and was like wow thats flirty sounding drew lol
I don't know
I am sorry though
E:I just want to wash my hands of it. I understand you never really did anything. I just think that the whole v-day thing is a duh thing, and after I found out that He tried to kiss you, Jim just came into my head
E:Its fine
N:how did you find out he tried to kiss me?
E:You told me right when we first started talking, I just didn't put 2 and 2 together. Then Andy and Stephanie told me. Then I went to facebook and saw the whole wall to wall thing calling you baby and you and him talking about a wedding and shit
N:ahhh
E:I just think that that was kinda poo
N:yeah thats why jake hated him too
E:so I was like whatever, enjoy Drew
N:like he is very flirty like that
E:okay
N:I am not dating drew though and I dont want to and if i knew it would have bothered you, i wouldnt have said that
but i understand and you dont have to explain things to me!
E:it really wouldn't. It's just that he tried to kiss you, you said "no you!" and then a few weeks later, you guys are flirting
N:well yeah because we always have
our whole friendship
has been a jokingly flirty thing
like
he jokes about my allowence as his wife and stupid stuff
E:alright
Well, I'm done talking about this
I got you something for V-day before all this shit happened, so I'll get it to you. I have no use for it. I hope you enjoy your life and if our paths meet in the future, cool beans. Thanks for getting my feet wet again after 2 years. The glove just doesn't fit with us. Have a nice day.
N:you too erik! You are a great guy and dont settle for anything less
The end. I really tried to be nice.
Fuck.
Sunday, February 17, 2008
Thursday, February 14, 2008
Will you be my Valentine? No? Okay, I'm going to raep you in the butt wearing a giant moth costume.
In the spirit of Valentines Day....
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
I want to fuck you in the throat,
And stomp on your head 'till it's goo.
-Erik Frey
Fuck Women.
Fuck Valentines Day.
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
I want to fuck you in the throat,
And stomp on your head 'till it's goo.
-Erik Frey
Fuck Women.
Fuck Valentines Day.
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
Yeah, so I am really looking forward to "Foo Fighters"...
I really like the band and they are going with "Against Me!", which is another band I really like.
I remember how much I like concerts. I haven't been to a good one in a while.
Because Sterling is the only one who really reads this, and I already said how great Linkin Park was in my xanga, I will not get into details.
Oh Sterling, I am still doing the walking thing...makes me smile. I am losing weight I think...not a lot, I just feel better so I'm guessing. I don't weigh myself. I am happy. I think I may start actually working out. We'll see.
:D <-- !
I really like the band and they are going with "Against Me!", which is another band I really like.
I remember how much I like concerts. I haven't been to a good one in a while.
Because Sterling is the only one who really reads this, and I already said how great Linkin Park was in my xanga, I will not get into details.
Oh Sterling, I am still doing the walking thing...makes me smile. I am losing weight I think...not a lot, I just feel better so I'm guessing. I don't weigh myself. I am happy. I think I may start actually working out. We'll see.
:D <-- !
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
LoL, I'm bored...
Hey Sterling, you remember that Thinkgeek.com link you gave a few posts back?
(http://www.thinkgeek.com/caffeine/candy/a01d/)
I was looking at it and...
Yeah....I was really bored... :D
(http://www.thinkgeek.com/caffeine/candy/a01d/)
I was looking at it and...
Yeah....I was really bored... :D
Saturday, February 9, 2008
LoL
I miss my friends...but I hate Omaha.
Don't want to go back but I do.
I am confused.
And tired.
Going to bed nao.
See everyone tomorrow...except for Sterling :( (get that videogame job plox)
Don't want to go back but I do.
I am confused.
And tired.
Going to bed nao.
See everyone tomorrow...except for Sterling :( (get that videogame job plox)
Friday, February 8, 2008
Still in D.C.
I am still in Washington D. C. really enjoying this vacation. It was much needed...
I have been stressing about life in general lately and this is a much needed rest. I am really enjoying myself and I'm getting along really well with my parents which is nice. We are doing really good at not spending a lot of money too...which really helps the family as a whole.
We have been getting around by metro subway and nothing else. That is really nice. Omaha needs a system badly!
I am really tired so I am going to make this short...My feet hurt. They hurt really bad. I have worn chucks since I was in highschool and this time, it really bit me in the ass. There is no arch support in these shoes...first thing I do when I get home is get a new pair of shoes that is walker friendly.
One thing I have decided, is that I really like this walking way of life and I want to keep it up. I really like walking, eating well, excercise...I just feel better physically. Now I'm not saying I will be healthy all the time, but I think I'm going to start making an effort. We'll see I guess.
I have been stressing about life in general lately and this is a much needed rest. I am really enjoying myself and I'm getting along really well with my parents which is nice. We are doing really good at not spending a lot of money too...which really helps the family as a whole.
We have been getting around by metro subway and nothing else. That is really nice. Omaha needs a system badly!
I am really tired so I am going to make this short...My feet hurt. They hurt really bad. I have worn chucks since I was in highschool and this time, it really bit me in the ass. There is no arch support in these shoes...first thing I do when I get home is get a new pair of shoes that is walker friendly.
One thing I have decided, is that I really like this walking way of life and I want to keep it up. I really like walking, eating well, excercise...I just feel better physically. Now I'm not saying I will be healthy all the time, but I think I'm going to start making an effort. We'll see I guess.
Tuesday, February 5, 2008
I need some Aspirin...
I am sitting here in my Programing class, and I am wondering why my head hurts. What is causing this terrible ache in my cranium? Is it the fact people choose favorites and treat really nice people like shit while at the same time, treat undeserving people like gods among men? My head feels like it just got hit will a baseball bat. Is it because there is turmoil in this world and nothing is really being done about it? I can feel it in the back of my head too...that's weird. Is it because I will never get out of high school because there will always be some dispute over stupid shit? It's like someone surgically put a needle in there. Could it be that I am spending my life squeaking by? It's kind of like when you wake up and sit up too fast and your eyes black out a little bit. Is it because my motto at work is there is no such thing as a stupid question...BUT THERE IS SUCH THING AS A FUCKING STUPID QUESTION!!!! I told a gentleman that he was diligent, and he asked me, "what does that word mean?" and someone actually asked me where Paris was. It's like someone is continually hitting me with a spoon on the forehead. Could it possibly be that I am always tired? Even when I get 8, 9, 10 hours of sleep? Did I hit my head yesterday? Oh yeah I did... I wonder if it's because I am living through a time of unnecessary war and I will live in a rebellious, apocalyptic state very soon? I hit my head everyday...
I'll just ask someone...
Oh, just need some aspirin? The pain will just go away? Cool.
Problem solved...
I'll just ask someone...
Oh, just need some aspirin? The pain will just go away? Cool.
Problem solved...
Monday, February 4, 2008
This is the first one...
This is my first entry on my new blog. I kinda feel like a faggot because I am going to update this almost everyday while still keeping my xanga alive. Oh well. I really like to write.
I think I'll start with something simple. It saddens me that I am not really doing anything for my education right now. I am at Creighton and I am kinda just sliding by right now. I hate it there and I hate my classes. I am just tired of all the shit that goes on. I don't have to take a fucking test in order to learn how to publicly speak. Doesn't make any fucking sense.
I am really scared about next semester when I go to UNL. I don't want to leave my friends but I have to in order to follow my dreams. Then that brings fear about my dreams...what if I fucking suck at it? What if I can't film worth shit? What do I do?
I am tired and want to stop worrying, so goodnight all of you who will break my blog cherry.
-Erik-
I think I'll start with something simple. It saddens me that I am not really doing anything for my education right now. I am at Creighton and I am kinda just sliding by right now. I hate it there and I hate my classes. I am just tired of all the shit that goes on. I don't have to take a fucking test in order to learn how to publicly speak. Doesn't make any fucking sense.
I am really scared about next semester when I go to UNL. I don't want to leave my friends but I have to in order to follow my dreams. Then that brings fear about my dreams...what if I fucking suck at it? What if I can't film worth shit? What do I do?
I am tired and want to stop worrying, so goodnight all of you who will break my blog cherry.
-Erik-
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