I'm really scared.

Life is starting now. I am excited but also really really scared.

I wish to transfer to UNL. This would be a good move for me I think but fuck. I won't be home with my friends. I will be alone for a long time. I am afraid that I won't ever see anyone. When I don't see anyone I love, I get depressed.

Also, I don't even know if I can get into my major. I have to have a certain GPA but I don't think I can do it. Not here at Creighton. God I hate this school.

Also, Lots more responsibility now. I am going to have bills to pay things to have to take care of. I am just scared.

Fuck. I just want it to be summer.

I'm eating a Turkey and Swiss sandwich.

Buckethead is coming to Omaha. I am really happy about that!

This is how excited I am:



I think I'm going to see him. Been listening to a lot of him lately...

So I was eating Ice Cream with my parents and they both looked at each other and said, "we realize that you've been depressed lately. I just want to say we're here for you. That's all.

Then my dad cut in and said, "What's up though? Is everything alright."

:/

That was some awkward conversation.

I just said I was fine and thanks for caring.

Fuck. Am I really acting like that?

LoL, here it is...

Erik's B-day....

Yeah so it's my birthday today.

I'm no longer a teenager anymore. Is that a big deal? Nope.

Yayz though because it's a day for me. But nothing really is going to be different except for going to dinner with my parents. I really don't think birthdays are going to be a big deal for me anymore. I am "no longer a kid" according to my parents. LoL, I'll be a kid for a very long time.

On another note, I purchased Ash Ketchem's baseball cap. It's coming in the mail. I can't wait to wear that motherfucker.

tl;dr: Had a dream a few nights ago and I wanted to share it. It's been bothering me for a while.

*Dream*
I woke up and didn't know where I was.

It was dark and cold. I felt an ominous presence about and I didn't like it one bit. Slowly getting up, my eyes began to adjust and I realized I was in a room. Where was this wind coming from then? A light began to shine in the distance but was too far away to show its source. I began following this light. As I walked, it felt the light was not getting any closer. I kept tripping over things and failing at what felt like one of the simplest tasks: walking.

I began to run. Fuck the rest, I must get there. Time and time again I fell, but I got up and kept going. Running and stumbling, yet still making progress. When I finally got out the surprisingly large room, I realized the light was a reflection. I was staring into the barrel of a large handgun. I scanned the area and saw that nothing was there. I looked right and looked left, but only darkness remained. I turned around and saw what I was stumbling over. After getting out of the room, I saw that my journey had been pointless. Why had I done any of it? If I would have stayed in the room, things would just be fine. Ignorance is bliss.

I turned back around and saw that the figure holding the gun was only a shadow. It took on no form. It then said, in a woman's voice, "I'm so sorry."

I tear formed in the corner of my right eye and the trigger was pulled. Time moved very slow as the bullet entered and exited my skull.

My body fell lifeless on the ground and I could now see myself 3rd person. The shadow formed into and female physique walked accross my body. She entered the door of the room and closed it. Soon after the shadows began engulfing my corpse and I then disappeared into the shadows.

I then realized my own existence; where and how was I still observing this? I then heard something and turned quickly. It was a very large male figure in a shadow state in mid swing with a crowbar. I heard a very large crack and I woke up.
*/Dream*

I was out of breath and sweating very hard. I then noticed I had a bloody nose and a very large cut in my mouth from bitting the inside of my mouth.


:/

I don't know why, but I am so fucked up with emotions all the time. It's like riding a roller coaster. I'm happy, sad, angry in split seconds and then they change in only a few more seconds. It's weird and bullshitty.