HOLY SHIT I UPDATED!!!

Everything I really wanted to say I put on my xanga.

I miss Hal!
-There's something just for blogspot. :D

Sup with you?

Hi Blogger (and Hal, the only person who reads this) it's been a while. I missed you. A lot has happened since I was here last. I got dumped. That was a big one. I was down for a while about it but I feel like I'm pretty much over it completely. It's kind of funny though, whenever you think that you have conquered a demon or a bad feeling, it just comes back when you least expect it. Nothing really much happening here on this end. I have a new crush that I don't think will ever go anywhere. I might be getting a dog, I registered for classes and got everything I wanted. ^_^

I think some people might have been worried about me lately. Don't please, I'm fine. It's kind of nice to know people love you though. One of my favorite teachers I have ever had, approached me and told me that if I ever needed to talk, don't hesitate to come to his office. That felt good but then I wondered if I really seen that down. Maybe it's just that it's really early and I'm a zombie in the morning.

Well, for some reason this post kind of has the whole depressing feel to it so I'm going to try and lighten things up a bit. Puppies, chocolate, and fucking random whores. Wow, that didn't really help. Oh well. Just know I'm doing alright.

Rough day. Not really though. Just a rough ending. Oh well, I don't know why I'm on here in the first place. I'm going to sleep.

So yeah, I really just want it to be December. I'm tired of this semester already. I'm so fucking pooped.

Fucking Geoffrey had my ass yesterday. Fucking Hal though man. I talked to him and things were great.

Today is badass. I can't fucking wait until tonight.

Anywho, I am going to take a nap now.

Optimus Prime says: "Enjoy your AIDS!"

I am sitting here at the UNL computer lab and I am thinking about some things. As Immortal Technique's 3rd World is blasting in my ear, I start questioning things in my life. I love living in Lincoln and going to this university. I love living on my own. I really care for my girlfriend. I really enjoy where my life is going. But that little voice in the back of my head is bitching at me. I hate him. I think Hal and I named it Howard but I can't remember it for sure. Fuck.

Whatever. I just have to keep living and enjoying what i have. I just think there is something big coming and I am pretty sure what it is.

SHUT THE FUCK UP!

That's better.

Good ole reassurance. Thanks Steph.

I sometimes feel like I am a complete piece of shit. Oh well, I just know what's important to me I guess.

Whatever. Fuck it.

Andy is coming to spend the night for tonight. I am really excited. The end.

Hal is a great man. So is Beowulf. I think Hal could be a good hostess.

Tuesday's Gone With The Wind

It's been decided I think.

I shall get this tattooed on my body.

The last cell is what the tattoo would be.

What does the internet think?

I had a dream yesterday that I got a bunch of tattoos. One of them was a sweet fucking T-Rex playing the guitar. He was on my upper chest/neck. Then I got Boba Fett on my left leg. Finally, I got Darth Vader on my arm. It wasn't just Vader, it was him holding a piece of an interpreter droid with a pained look. God it was sweet. Therefore, I have decided to get tattooed up. I shall also get Zep on my body. It shall be sweet.

I want 5 more tattoos.
1. Darth Vader
2. Dinosaur with Guitar
3. Zeppelin
4. Boba Fett
5. Optimus Prime

I think a Ninja Turtles tattoo would be sweet too.

I don't think Lincoln will be as bad as I originally thought. I'll miss all of you of course, but I am already making some friends and I really dig living on my own. School isn't too bad either. :D

Intersting Events

Things didn't go as planned today so I got an opportunity.

It was fucking awesome.

Meghan is super sweet and we have a connection.

I'm really happy about it.

I hope it doesn't turn out to fuck me over.

I just don't see that happening. She is such a sweet girl. I know she's not a crazy. I think things are going to be great. I'm happy about that.

I'm just waiting for the catch I guess. I just really hope there isn't one.

Thursday

I'll be back thursday, I promise. That's when I get internet.

I'm going to expand on my previous post tomorrow. The story sucks but whatever. I am in a good place in my life right now.

Sept 2, 1981

I fear this is my last entry. If by some grace this reaches someone, please notify the government and take shelter. I have committed great sin and I fear its consequences may have a very lasting effect on our world and the entire human race.

What started out as routine experiment on human behavior, soon became a terrible, seemingly unstoppable force. His name was Dave and he had nothing to lose. His wife cheated on him and left him, his children disowned him because their mother told them he was the unfaithful one, he became unemployed after his job was no longer needed due to a replacement of technology, and he had got into an accident where he lost the movement of both his legs. He had hit rock bottom so he began to drink. He lost his house and began to live on the streets as a drunk.

I found him on the corner of 24th and C street where he had passed out from a heavy night of drinking. I loaded him into the van just like the rest of my volunteers. I was going to change the world, I used to say to myself. I was right I suppose, just not for the better. Once we got back to the plant, I chained him up and waited for him to sober up. I needed to talk to him before conducting any kind of experiment.

The next day I came in and Dave woke up. His eyes caught mine and he asked why he was chained up. I responded, "You are the lucky man who is going to help the world cure the disease of hate and war. There will be no more blind hatred and murder. No more selfish pursuits of governments and corporations. All because of you Dave. Future people will know you as a hero because of your actions."

This was a lie of course because what I was doing was technically illegal, but those laws were put into place by people who aren't concerned with results, only what father Mic and mother kike have to say. Shit. You see that? That's what I was trying to fix.

Dave responded, "Erik's tired as fuck and will continue the story tomorrow."

God I'm so happy right now. I am finally doing it. I got Jay to lend me one of his cameras to use, I got a new actor that is actually excited about the project. I think it'll be better than I thought before. I don't really have too many parameters to work around mostly because sound won't be a problem. I am the DP to my very first origional project. Makes me really happy.

I am really happy that Hal's doing it. He's a good friend. Let's just hope he can act. I don't really see that as a problem.

Blah

I don't know what to think. I'm fucked in the head right now. So I'm going to write a story.

Later. I'll update tomorrow or some shit.

Love you Hal man

Interview

I had my interview yesterday and it was really great. I was really nervous because I haven't had an interview for 2 years. I got there and they had an elimination process. I was last. :D

I think that means I get the job but they said they'll call me on Monday about it.

Today was also my last day at Marriott. As much as I hate that place, I think I'll miss it a little more than I thought.

Finally, I am at a LAN party right now so I'll write more later.

I'm a lonely fat chick.

I'm house sitting for Andy and Stephanie this week, which means I am living on my own for a week; well, kind of alone. I'm watching their cat Astrid which is pretty cool. She's a nice cat and it's fun to have an animal to take care of again. Hanging out with Astrid has really taught me something about myself. I am lonely.

I laugh when I say it, but it's true. I am not lonely as in I don't have friends, and it's not the kind of lonely where I need a girlfriend either. I guess spending time with an animal is really reminding me of past times with my dog Scottie.

As many of you know, I didn't really have friends when I was a kid. I had the t.v. (FUCK YEAH LITTLEFOOT!!! YOU'RE MY BUDDY RIGHT!!!), my legos/action figures, my grandma, my fighting parents, and last but certainly not least: my dog Scottie. I used to sit under the fake tree in our old house with Scottie, and tell her all my fears and problems. She was always there. I know you are thinking "Jesus, she's a dog! She wasn't listening!" but that's the thing. When I was talking to her and pouring out my heart and soul, I didn't pet her, I didn't even call her over. Scottie knew something was wrong and she would look right at me and listen for hours without any distraction.

Scottie was my best friend and when she died, something inside me died too. I remember that fateful day. My mom came to pick me up from school. Her eyes were red and she looked like something was terribly wrong. I had no idea and the entire car ride was silent. I thought she was mad at me. We get home and my mom brings me down stairs. We talk about my day and then my mom said, "I need to tell you something. Today Scottie had another seizure. We took her to the hospital....you know how hard it is to watch her go through that."

She continued to tell her story but I could no longer hear her. I knew what had happened. Everything became mute, almost as if I were underwater. I felt sick to my stomach. I looked at Scottie's pillow and it was empty. I felt weak and lost control of my body. I interrupted my mother and said, "Is Scottie dead?" I already knew the answer to that question but there was still hope. There was still a light at the end of that tunnel.

My mom started crying and just shook her head. I don't remember much after that. That night, my body just shut down. My best friend, my counselor, my daughter had died and I wasn't even able to say goodbye.

Ever since that day, I have had a void in my life. I have been afraid to get another pet because I didn't want to replace Scottie. But spending time with Astrid has been really great. She's giving me a taste of what having a pet would be like again. I don't think I'll ever have another Scottie, but I'm willing to try and find another friend like that who I live with and share everything with.

So I'm not lonely. I just really miss my old friend. :/

Hey Blogger, it's been a while.

Sorry for being away for so long. I have been busy and not really in the mood to write.

I have been working really hard on my blocking only to find out tonight that Chris doesn't want to do it. God I'm pissed. Whatever, it figures I suppose. I have been kind of dealing with the fact that Chris for some reason, doesn't really like me anymore. It's kind of sad really. We used to be best friends and now he acts like he despises me. It makes me sick.

What really pisses me off is that I spent all the time on the fucking script for the video and now it's fucking useless. I don't know who could replace Chris except me, and I'm the fucking camera guy. Damn. I'm going to need help on this one.

Que the angry masturbation.

K-Stones

I got some kidney stones. Two to be exact. But now I am high on Oxycodine so things are a lot better. I hope I pee it out soon though because it's been 8 days now. Yeah.

I love all my friends. I'm not looking forward to moving....... :(

I'm happy where my life is going so far...

I see changes already and I like it.

I'm also done trying for right now.

I'm going to go to sleep now.

I wanna listen to some Michael Bolton....

I don't have to work tomorrow. I am pooped from the concert so I'm going to sleep a good part of the day. Buckethead really made me want to hardxcore practice tomorrow. We'll see.


Oh, so I got a contact high from the concert. LoL

LoL

I hope she didn't put a spell on me or some shit. I fucking ran out of there. I didn't want a curse and I didn't want to get shot with a fucking tactical combat shotgun so I just decided to keep walking.

Still....it was lulzy. I can't wait to talk to her again. It will be full of awekwardness and wonderful uncomfortableness. I love it...

Tonight

Alright. So I hung out with the guys tonight. I was supposed to hang out with Molly, but she had other planz. Oh well. Chris canceled on me last min. He says it's because I didn't give him an exact time in the day. So he filled it completely. I am flexible but I can't just do it at night. What a great guy.

Random thoughts

I feel bad for Mr. Senal. He doesn't deserve all this shit. He deserves the world but life just fucks him in the ass. I don't get it. I'm just pissed that things didn't go his way. I can relate to him, but fuck. I think that just around the next metaphysical corner, something awesome is in store for him.

On another note, Fuck my job, and jesus christ girl, STOP IT! YOU KNOW IT'LL JUST FUCK THINGS UP LATER!!!

*facepalm

The end.

Mr. Senal

I love my buddy Hal. He's a good guy and no one really gives him the credit he deserves. Man am I glad I met him. He's got a really good head on his shoulders. He also really knows how to be a good loyal friend. I cherish you sir. I really like most of his friends too. Kevin, Justin, Clark, and Tina to just name a few. I am glad I found you guys. I forsee much fun in our future.

Yeah

Today was a good day. The calm after the storm so to speak.

Nicole had her grad party today. It was nice. I hung out with the guys and then Mollerskates and then Andy to end the night. Overall, things went pretty nice. I'm still pissed about my shoes though...

Rain

Rain rain, go away.
Torment another in some other way.
I'm tired of this feeling,
Of darkness and dread.
I want to wake up for once, and not wish I were dead.
It isn't because of something, or anyone else,
Since January, I just feel an emptiness.
I'm tired of this storm, I want the rain to stop.
I'm so tired of all this, My body is going to just drop.
So here's to another day of sitting in the rain.
As another day slips down into the drain.

Roundabout

I have that song stuck in my head ^


It's stormy right now. I hate storms because my mind is fucked. :(

Oh, I think I am going to make a big mistake very soon...

Hopefully I wise up during my sleepytime.

Don't want to work tomorrow.

Dick tastes weird.

I am writing this with one eye shut. I don't understand why people do the things they do. Makes me sad. Why do people toy with other people? Why are people selfish? Why do people fuck over others? Why are all the evil doers so inviting?

Damn, I'm tired.


P.S. Hal, I want to eat sushi with you and make you happy. If I were a girl or a guy that liked dick, I would be your man. :D

:/

I am okay. I am surprized, but yeah. I am okay. She flip-flopped a bit too much for me. She likes me, she likes me not. I'm tired of feeling like someone likes me sometimes. I need to be appreciated for who I am. I may be weird, not too bright, freakishly tall, fat, a loser and hairy, but I'd make a fucking kick ass boyfriend and I'm tired of being fucked over. Fuck you and I am glad to find someone who will appreciate me for who I am.

Yep.

It's really hard to read my last entry.

My feelings are put out there pretty clearly on xanga.

I just don't know what they want...

www.xanga.com/three4dale

Sappy shit. Don't have to read if you guys don't want to.

:)

I feel kinda fuzzy inside. I don't ever think I have had that before. It's weird. I like it, it's just weird. I have always hated dating and I have always not really enjoyed hanging out with my date most of the time. It was always awkward and I was just trying to get thought the dating part to get to a relationship.

This time around, it's different. I really like the dating. I REALLY like dating her. I am not rushing into a relationship, I'm enjoying it. I like hanging out with her, and when she's there, my stomach isn't in a knot, it's warm and happy. It is just weird because I have never felt like that before.

It sucks because I want to tell all my friends about it and be happy that I can finally experience this, but I can't. Almost all of my friends are dealing with girl issues right now. Jeremy and Kallie broke up. Joel and Joie broke up. Kaitlyn left for New Zealand for 4 months and left Chris behind, Sterling is having problems I'm sure with liking a girl that is out of reach (I've been there and it sucks), and Hal is dealing with a crazy woman right now.

Justin and Joe have never experienced this before, and I don't know if I want to talk to Andy about it. I just know when my friends talked about it, I would always get depressed. I would feel sorry for myself and be down. I don't want to do that, so I'm going to just write about it. (Sorry Sterling. You read this so yeah, you'll see this)

I'm off to sleep. I have never rolled over in my bed, and in my pillow, I can smell a girl's shampoo and just feel good. It's weird, but really really good.

I'm glad you still use this Sterling...

This one is just for Sterling. I just want to let you know that I am not mad at you. I miss you and I love you and I want to hang out with you. I have been blowing off a lot of people lately and it isn't because of them. I really have only seen Andy, Joel, Hal, Bear, and Molly. So I just wanted you to know right now, because there are a lot of rifts going on and I just want to be Switzerland. :D I love you!

School's fucking over. *Sigh of relief*


Damn.

I'm crushing on a girl. We'll see.

done.

My bed

My bed feels really fucking comfortable right now.

I think it is because I am tired. I need to take a break from my normal routine. Goddamn am I tired. People need to stop making me a part of problems that don't concern me and I need to stop being so pissed all the fucking time. My eyes burn. I need to deal with my shit and stop being so fucking depressed all the time. Maybe I just need to let everyone be who they are and do what they will because nothing really affects me anymore because I am insignificant.

Or maybe, I should just relax in this comfortable bed and put all my fucked up feelings and problems on hold for 7 hours.

Wow

Things are going to be a lot different. I am really sad. How could this happen? What did they think was going to happen? Jesus, I am just in shock still.

And she has the audacity to say I'm not a real friend. LoL. Whatever.

Damn

Shit always gets complicated this time of year.

:/

The great sandwich

Everything is a Sandwich.

Wow, just think about that for a little while. What exactly IS a sandwich? If you look up its definition, you will see that it is defined many different ways. If one asks himself, why are there so many contrasting and unclear definitions of a sandwich, what is it? Does anyone know?

You are a lucky soul. You have found an individual who actually knows what a sandwich is. Now sit back and brace yourself for the knowledge that will change your life. I know it has changed my life.

A sandwich is a philosophy. It is a way of life. A sandwich is the backbone of a culture. Wars have been fought over it, lives have been taken. Sandwiches are in all of us and they are all around us. Everything, is a sandwich.

Now reflect on that for a while, and bask in the knowledge I have shared with you today.

SO FUCKING CLOSE!!!

I am so close to being done with school. 2 fucking weeks left. Damn. I have a paper, a speech, and then just the tests left. Lets hope for the best.


Then..........


SUMMER MOTHERFUCKER!!!!

I got a new guitar. It is fucking awesome. I played a lot today and last night before bed. It is better than I originally thought. You already know that because you were with me but I'm really glad you came home Mr. Fox. It's good for both of us.

:D

I fucking love music. It's getting really bad. I LOVE it. It expresses so much it gives you an out when you need it. I feel like I need it sometimes to escape from reality. I am listening to a lot more classical lately. Or at least no lyrics. I am also getting into the Beatles a lot more than I have in the past.

I can't wait to see you Mr. Fox.

Whatever. Bitches are nothing but tricks and hoes and Guys are nothing but dicks and douches so why can't these filthy fucking creatures get along?

It's because everyone has to be better than everyone else.

Sit back, relax, and enjoy your life?

Do you ever feel like your life isn't real? Sometimes I feel like I am living in a movie that just won't end. Now I don't mean that in a depressing way, I am just surprised how often everything is surreal. I walk and I hear music and I see myself in slow motion. I watch the news and see everything that is going on and I can't imagine how things like this could be real. I see people trying to kill me in the corner of my eye, but when I look, it's gone or it's a rock or tree or something similar.

I look in the future and see it as fiction. I live my life out in alternate universes; and then I am ripped back into this world suddenly, usually just in time.

All of my dreams are in third person, and many of them, I feel like I have experienced them already in real life. Is life just an illusion? Is it something that is being lived out only to viewed by others? Who is the grand audience? Am I just in the passenger seat of my own life?

I will tell you one thing, get some popcorn, because it's going to be an interesting show.

Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck

This week has been crazy. I got the apartment. I have been catching up in school (I even did some extra credit today) . I got sick. On Medicine; feel better. Made a pretty cool Video, I'll post it on YouTube soon and link ppl. I miss everyone. I really haven't seen anyone for a while. It's been about 2 weeks now.

In other news, I have been lurking more on 7 rather than NIGGERTITS. I like it more, it just gets tiring when all they talk about is how much they hate NIGGERTITS. Also, it doesn't update enough.

I am done with this one. It's all just random ramblings. I am going to see everyone tonight and it should be THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST

Man, I should kill myself...

I'm really scared.

Life is starting now. I am excited but also really really scared.

I wish to transfer to UNL. This would be a good move for me I think but fuck. I won't be home with my friends. I will be alone for a long time. I am afraid that I won't ever see anyone. When I don't see anyone I love, I get depressed.

Also, I don't even know if I can get into my major. I have to have a certain GPA but I don't think I can do it. Not here at Creighton. God I hate this school.

Also, Lots more responsibility now. I am going to have bills to pay things to have to take care of. I am just scared.

Fuck. I just want it to be summer.

I'm eating a Turkey and Swiss sandwich.

Buckethead is coming to Omaha. I am really happy about that!

This is how excited I am:



I think I'm going to see him. Been listening to a lot of him lately...

So I was eating Ice Cream with my parents and they both looked at each other and said, "we realize that you've been depressed lately. I just want to say we're here for you. That's all.

Then my dad cut in and said, "What's up though? Is everything alright."

:/

That was some awkward conversation.

I just said I was fine and thanks for caring.

Fuck. Am I really acting like that?

LoL, here it is...

Erik's B-day....

Yeah so it's my birthday today.

I'm no longer a teenager anymore. Is that a big deal? Nope.

Yayz though because it's a day for me. But nothing really is going to be different except for going to dinner with my parents. I really don't think birthdays are going to be a big deal for me anymore. I am "no longer a kid" according to my parents. LoL, I'll be a kid for a very long time.

On another note, I purchased Ash Ketchem's baseball cap. It's coming in the mail. I can't wait to wear that motherfucker.

tl;dr: Had a dream a few nights ago and I wanted to share it. It's been bothering me for a while.

*Dream*
I woke up and didn't know where I was.

It was dark and cold. I felt an ominous presence about and I didn't like it one bit. Slowly getting up, my eyes began to adjust and I realized I was in a room. Where was this wind coming from then? A light began to shine in the distance but was too far away to show its source. I began following this light. As I walked, it felt the light was not getting any closer. I kept tripping over things and failing at what felt like one of the simplest tasks: walking.

I began to run. Fuck the rest, I must get there. Time and time again I fell, but I got up and kept going. Running and stumbling, yet still making progress. When I finally got out the surprisingly large room, I realized the light was a reflection. I was staring into the barrel of a large handgun. I scanned the area and saw that nothing was there. I looked right and looked left, but only darkness remained. I turned around and saw what I was stumbling over. After getting out of the room, I saw that my journey had been pointless. Why had I done any of it? If I would have stayed in the room, things would just be fine. Ignorance is bliss.

I turned back around and saw that the figure holding the gun was only a shadow. It took on no form. It then said, in a woman's voice, "I'm so sorry."

I tear formed in the corner of my right eye and the trigger was pulled. Time moved very slow as the bullet entered and exited my skull.

My body fell lifeless on the ground and I could now see myself 3rd person. The shadow formed into and female physique walked accross my body. She entered the door of the room and closed it. Soon after the shadows began engulfing my corpse and I then disappeared into the shadows.

I then realized my own existence; where and how was I still observing this? I then heard something and turned quickly. It was a very large male figure in a shadow state in mid swing with a crowbar. I heard a very large crack and I woke up.
*/Dream*

I was out of breath and sweating very hard. I then noticed I had a bloody nose and a very large cut in my mouth from bitting the inside of my mouth.


:/

I don't know why, but I am so fucked up with emotions all the time. It's like riding a roller coaster. I'm happy, sad, angry in split seconds and then they change in only a few more seconds. It's weird and bullshitty.

Fuck

What is all of this for?

Tonight I sat and listened to some guy who claimed to be a spiritual anarchist. He is basically an agnostic person with a fascination with Eastern religion. He told me that being agnostic was awesome because it gives you a chance to experience all of life. I think he's full of shit.

As the only reader of this blog knows, my aunt and two cousins died on Sunday in a fire. Why did the little ones have to die? Why did Joyce have to die like that? Is it a part of some huge master plan or is it all shitty random events? Is there a point to my existence?

I just feel like giving up. I want to say fuck it to school, rob s0mething, and then do what I want until I have to kill myself because I'll be sent to prison if I don't. I then decide I should just join the peace corps and make a difference. I then decide to just keep on doing what I'm doing and wiggle by in college until I get a degree. Does it really matter what I do? No. It doesn't.

Do you know why? It's because I am going to die and a handful of people will remember me for a short time until they die and then I will never be mentioned again. No matter what I do, I am just going to fucking keel over and cease to exist. Why work my ass off so that I just have to work my ass off later?

I am rambling now, I am just tired of it. This is the fourth funeral I've been to since January. I am going crazy. Fuck school, fuck love, fuck work, fuck family, fuck life.

Fuck everything.

I gave a fucking sweet speech over scientology today. I am going to try and upload it but it is in VHS format. :/

We'll see.

Until then, look at this faggot:

I think I'm going to fail computer programing I and Ethics...

;_;

Bye bye Nicole

So I finally talked to Nicole. Here's what we said....

(E=Erik N=Nicole)

IM IM with sewcialbutterfli2/18/08 12:33 PM
N:hi
E:hi
N:how are you?
E:fine.
How are you
N:I am well
just in class
havent talked to you in awhile, how have you been?
E:fine
nothing worth mentioning I suppose
N:alrighty
well
you in your ethics class?
E:yeah
I think it would be best if we stopped dating/talking
I don't want to be a dick
N:ok
E:sorry;
but it had to be said
You have shit going on in your life
and I do too
Things have come to light and I don't think it's worth it
N:what has come to light?
E:I just started thinking about shit
N:i see
E:I liked you and you seemed to like me
However, I have been under alot of stress from our whatever you want to call it and I really don't see an end in sight
The whole Jim situation, I know you haven't really done anything since that whole deal but that was one week
Then I go on vacation, and when I come back, I ask you to go to valentines day with me....You said you were busy with a friend thing, and I was dissappointed but not pissed or anything
I then find out that Drew tried to kiss you like less than a month ago?
And on valentines day. I hate the day anyway because it's a fucking corporate single awareness day
but that made it worse
I just feel like you need to be surrounded by people who like you more than a friendship thing, I don't know why but you do. And I don't want to compete with that
You haven't called me at all since we started the whole dating thing
I just feel like I'm putting in some work and you weren't really even trying
And you kinda treated me like you don't care.
So that made me thing
think*
if she doesn't care, why should I?
Maybe she's right. maybe I deserve to "settle down with someone nice" and someone who acts like they care.
I really don't want to sound like a jerk, but I just want to convey what I am thinking
N:it was not that i did not care.
and i did call you
E:You could have fooled me Nichole
N:its nicole
E:okay
sorry for mistyping your name, I know how it's spelled
That's not the point though
it's an effort thing
I don't know
it's just interesting to me
because I don't really know what to think about you
N:Well
E:So many mixed signals
and I am tired of all the charade and stress that is coming from trying to date you
N:I enjoyed your company and wanted to take things slowly
i didnt know it was causing you stress
and I am sorry it did
and then you said you were going to call me a few times and didnt
E:I think we were taking things slowly, that I didn't have a problem with it
N:and you said we were going to hang out saturday
E:I know...but as I said before, things came to light
and frankly, I didn't want to see you
N:no i understand
E:I didn't have a problem with taking things slowly
I didn't
N:sorry i disappointed you Erik
E:and I think I was pretty clear about it
I was not cool with you surrounding yourself with people you know likes you romantically because that's the exact same thing as the Jim thing
N:and the me not calling is a dumb thing with how my mom brought me up and I am sorry about that as well
well
it isnt like that Erik
i try to
E:I also looked on your facebook and read a wall to wall you had with drew
N:drew is the closest guy i have to not liking me
E:I don't want to sound like a jellous jerk
N:he did tht on purpose
E:but That's what you call flirting
N:to stop joe
from creeping me out
honestly
i try to have friends that dont like me
but almost all of my guy friends do
and my gfs are all in serious relationships so dont have uch time
E:and that's fine
you can enjoy that. I just don't want to deal with the flirting with other guys, the almost rape situations, and the all around attention thing that I feel like you are surrounding yourself with
I"m glad you have friends
I just don't want to be around for when other stuff happens
N:that jim thing wont happen again
it was dumb
and i try to avoid a lot of that attention
E:Wait
T.O for a min
N:ok
E:You try and avoid that kind of attention?
and you take some guy out on a friend date on what day? Valentines day! That's right, and was that guy someone who kissed you earlier this year? I think so
so don't try and tell me that shit
N:I told him not to Erik
E:no
N:like i told drew i jsut wanted to be friends
E:I don't care if you did
N:i didnt want to ruin our friendship
well im saying i try to avoid that
E:but You took him on a date on Vday
N:and I am single i didnt want to say home alone for valentines day
he took me out
E:and that is attracting that kind of attention
N:because he was alone too
its not like we kissed
or anything
we hang out all the time
we just didnt wanna be alone
E:you were dating someone
you weren't alone, yes we were not in a relationship, but we were dating
and I came home on Monday
Sunday*
I don't know nicole
N:I guess I viewed things differntly
we had gone on a few dates
E:I know
N:I didnt realize that we were exclusive or anything
E:well, that was never said
N:and I didnt go out on dates with other guys
E:And you are right, technically we weren't
N:you never even kissed me
E:I guess I just assumed
I know
I am a pussy
N:and i didnt go out with any other guys
I was going to a few times
besides my guy friends
E:I just don't want to be a part of that. It's a personal choice
N:alright
i understand
E:And I hope you can appreciate that
N:I just hope that you do not think that i am a bad person
of course I can Erik
E:I just think that you don't think about some things
N:I have no hard feelings towards you but I want you to know that i
E:and we shouldn't be together
N:I agree with you on that
and I am sorry for any stress I might have caused you
E:don't be
N:I am
I feel bad about this situation
E:don't be sorry for what you did, just use it to treat future men in a different way
N:how do you suggest doing that
E:I don't get the whole exclusive thing
N:exclusive thing?
E:I think that if I would have dated another person while we were dating, and you found out, you prolly would not be extremely happy
I don't know though
maybe you'd be cool with it
N:I guess i thought that dating
was you go on a few dates with someone
if you like them
then you take it up a level
E:that is true
N:but I don't knwo
E:I am a pussy and I need to step up to the plate
N:you were never very clear about what we were
E:fuckin
N:I know
and i didnt go on dates with other guys besides a friend date with drew
and yeah he made it sound flirty
he does that a lot
and I know
i even sent him a text about it
and was like wow thats flirty sounding drew lol
I don't know
I am sorry though
E:I just want to wash my hands of it. I understand you never really did anything. I just think that the whole v-day thing is a duh thing, and after I found out that He tried to kiss you, Jim just came into my head
E:Its fine
N:how did you find out he tried to kiss me?
E:You told me right when we first started talking, I just didn't put 2 and 2 together. Then Andy and Stephanie told me. Then I went to facebook and saw the whole wall to wall thing calling you baby and you and him talking about a wedding and shit
N:ahhh
E:I just think that that was kinda poo
N:yeah thats why jake hated him too
E:so I was like whatever, enjoy Drew
N:like he is very flirty like that
E:okay
N:I am not dating drew though and I dont want to and if i knew it would have bothered you, i wouldnt have said that
but i understand and you dont have to explain things to me!
E:it really wouldn't. It's just that he tried to kiss you, you said "no you!" and then a few weeks later, you guys are flirting
N:well yeah because we always have
our whole friendship
has been a jokingly flirty thing
like
he jokes about my allowence as his wife and stupid stuff
E:alright
Well, I'm done talking about this
I got you something for V-day before all this shit happened, so I'll get it to you. I have no use for it. I hope you enjoy your life and if our paths meet in the future, cool beans. Thanks for getting my feet wet again after 2 years. The glove just doesn't fit with us. Have a nice day.
N:you too erik! You are a great guy and dont settle for anything less




The end. I really tried to be nice.


Fuck.

YAYZ!!1!

YAYZ!!1!

IT BEEZ PICTURE TIEM!!!1






Then...

Will you be my Valentine? No? Okay, I'm going to raep you in the butt wearing a giant moth costume.

In the spirit of Valentines Day....


Roses are red,

Violets are blue,

I want to fuck you in the throat,

And stomp on your head 'till it's goo.

-Erik Frey


Fuck Women.
Fuck Valentines Day.

Yeah, so I am really looking forward to "Foo Fighters"...

I really like the band and they are going with "Against Me!", which is another band I really like.

I remember how much I like concerts. I haven't been to a good one in a while.

Because Sterling is the only one who really reads this, and I already said how great Linkin Park was in my xanga, I will not get into details.

Oh Sterling, I am still doing the walking thing...makes me smile. I am losing weight I think...not a lot, I just feel better so I'm guessing. I don't weigh myself. I am happy. I think I may start actually working out. We'll see.

:D <-- !

LoL, I'm bored...

Hey Sterling, you remember that Thinkgeek.com link you gave a few posts back?

(http://www.thinkgeek.com/caffeine/candy/a01d/)

I was looking at it and...












Yeah....I was really bored... :D

LoL

I miss my friends...but I hate Omaha.

Don't want to go back but I do.

I am confused.

And tired.

Going to bed nao.

See everyone tomorrow...except for Sterling :( (get that videogame job plox)

Still in D.C.

I am still in Washington D. C. really enjoying this vacation. It was much needed...

I have been stressing about life in general lately and this is a much needed rest. I am really enjoying myself and I'm getting along really well with my parents which is nice. We are doing really good at not spending a lot of money too...which really helps the family as a whole.

We have been getting around by metro subway and nothing else. That is really nice. Omaha needs a system badly!

I am really tired so I am going to make this short...My feet hurt. They hurt really bad. I have worn chucks since I was in highschool and this time, it really bit me in the ass. There is no arch support in these shoes...first thing I do when I get home is get a new pair of shoes that is walker friendly.

One thing I have decided, is that I really like this walking way of life and I want to keep it up. I really like walking, eating well, excercise...I just feel better physically. Now I'm not saying I will be healthy all the time, but I think I'm going to start making an effort. We'll see I guess.

I need some Aspirin...

I am sitting here in my Programing class, and I am wondering why my head hurts. What is causing this terrible ache in my cranium? Is it the fact people choose favorites and treat really nice people like shit while at the same time, treat undeserving people like gods among men? My head feels like it just got hit will a baseball bat. Is it because there is turmoil in this world and nothing is really being done about it? I can feel it in the back of my head too...that's weird. Is it because I will never get out of high school because there will always be some dispute over stupid shit? It's like someone surgically put a needle in there. Could it be that I am spending my life squeaking by? It's kind of like when you wake up and sit up too fast and your eyes black out a little bit. Is it because my motto at work is there is no such thing as a stupid question...BUT THERE IS SUCH THING AS A FUCKING STUPID QUESTION!!!! I told a gentleman that he was diligent, and he asked me, "what does that word mean?" and someone actually asked me where Paris was. It's like someone is continually hitting me with a spoon on the forehead. Could it possibly be that I am always tired? Even when I get 8, 9, 10 hours of sleep? Did I hit my head yesterday? Oh yeah I did... I wonder if it's because I am living through a time of unnecessary war and I will live in a rebellious, apocalyptic state very soon? I hit my head everyday...

I'll just ask someone...

Oh, just need some aspirin? The pain will just go away? Cool.

Problem solved...

This is the first one...

This is my first entry on my new blog. I kinda feel like a faggot because I am going to update this almost everyday while still keeping my xanga alive. Oh well. I really like to write.

I think I'll start with something simple. It saddens me that I am not really doing anything for my education right now. I am at Creighton and I am kinda just sliding by right now. I hate it there and I hate my classes. I am just tired of all the shit that goes on. I don't have to take a fucking test in order to learn how to publicly speak. Doesn't make any fucking sense.

I am really scared about next semester when I go to UNL. I don't want to leave my friends but I have to in order to follow my dreams. Then that brings fear about my dreams...what if I fucking suck at it? What if I can't film worth shit? What do I do?

I am tired and want to stop worrying, so goodnight all of you who will break my blog cherry.

-Erik-