What is all of this for?
Tonight I sat and listened to some guy who claimed to be a spiritual anarchist. He is basically an agnostic person with a fascination with Eastern religion. He told me that being agnostic was awesome because it gives you a chance to experience all of life. I think he's full of shit.
As the only reader of this blog knows, my aunt and two cousins died on Sunday in a fire. Why did the little ones have to die? Why did Joyce have to die like that? Is it a part of some huge master plan or is it all shitty random events? Is there a point to my existence?
I just feel like giving up. I want to say fuck it to school, rob s0mething, and then do what I want until I have to kill myself because I'll be sent to prison if I don't. I then decide I should just join the peace corps and make a difference. I then decide to just keep on doing what I'm doing and wiggle by in college until I get a degree. Does it really matter what I do? No. It doesn't.
Do you know why? It's because I am going to die and a handful of people will remember me for a short time until they die and then I will never be mentioned again. No matter what I do, I am just going to fucking keel over and cease to exist. Why work my ass off so that I just have to work my ass off later?
I am rambling now, I am just tired of it. This is the fourth funeral I've been to since January. I am going crazy. Fuck school, fuck love, fuck work, fuck family, fuck life.
Fuck everything.
Erik Frey
A closer look at me.
- -Erik-
- I am a college kid who is confused about a lot of things. I am happy most of the time but things piss me off. I am just tired of all the shit 'ya know?
1 comment:
I've been meaning write a comment to this for 2 days now. All I can say is I've been there. Multiple times. I don't even know why I'm not there right now. I guess there's only so much nihilism you can take before you eventually try to be happy again. I love ya erik, and I'd tell you some things that would make me sound crazy, but just know that even though I won't exist in a few hundred years, you can die knowing I cared about you here and now.
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